Welcome to the website that features my short story collections, which are available as e-books.
E-books are (fairly) eco-friendly, don’t sit on shelves collecting dust, and don’t end up in a charity shop (unless someone sets up an e-charity shop).
E-books can be your friends – if you are a strange, weird person – otherwise you could just read them. You can’t set fire to them or use them to prop up wonky-legged tables.
In December 2016, I published my first e-book, It Never Happened, a collection of forty-four dark, humorous, off-beat short stories.
The biggest problem facing a monkey today is: trees. – The Monkey That Came Down From The Trees (Leaps And Bounds)
There’s only so much evidence a small Jack Russell can dispose of. – Blood
On February 28th 2018, I sharpened my crayon, wrote and published my second book of dark, humorous, off-beat short stories, This Never Happened Too. These stories were elegantly crafted by me over the past thirteen months.
(I say, elegantly, but I perhaps mean elephantly.) Price £2.99
Tony was an atheist. Not for him the wimpish, effete, uncertainty of agnosticism: he was a devoutly, true unbeliever; staunch in his views, and active in his contempt for stupid, woolly-headed, God-fearing fools. Tony set fire to churches. – Anthony
‘He won’t wash his hands,’ she thought; thinking of all of the germs festering on the door handles, waiting to be passed on to the other children, herself and other members of staff. – A Lesson In Life
My third book, Painting By Numbers, is to be published on the 1st June 2019. Price £2.15
(This book can be purchased at the pre-order price of £0.99.)
Painting By Numbers is a collection of 30 short stories, in the same vein as the previous two books (i.e. dark, humorous, puerile). This book will not change your life (unless you let it).
The penguin appeared to be unharmed – indeed it seemed to be quite happy and content with its situation. It had made a nest on a bag of frozen swede and carrot mix, and had ripped open a box of fish fingers and eaten them. There was some penguin guano mixed in with the swede and carrot mix, but I wasn’t too unhappy about this – I never really liked swede. – The Penguin In The Freezer
In addition to information about my books, there are some of my more silly thoughts on this website (see the Blog pages).
There are also a number of free posters available on this site on the Posters page.
It is my intention to publish a number of other books before I get run over by a bus. Or eaten by a panther (‘roar’).
I’ve been told (by experts in the Internet website business) that I need to make my front page more interesting, to attract more custom – by putting a dancing penguin on it, for example.
So here it is…
OK, so it isn’t moving much, but you can’t have everything…
…it’s got a beak.